Reflecting on Joy Academy

Joy Academy (JA), the first mini-retreat experience, is now a memory. The feature image for this entry is a group collage of participants as children. I love this SO much! Reflecting on the event, I have two observations to share: 

One: The Cohort

I promoted the event for Wise and Curious Women from 18 to 88. I hoped the offer would hold appeal for this group, but to be honest, the first five to enroll were clustered around 60-70 years of age. All good. Those this is meant for will be there. Then the best thing happened. Patti, already enrolled, asked me, Could A_______ (Patti’s granddaughter) attend Joy Academy? I hesitated a moment. A_______ is not yet 18. Then I said the right thing: Yes. AND I can offer her a student rate. Boom! A day or so later, (because enlightenment takes time) a brainwave struck me: offer a scholarship to my nineteen-year-old niece. I called her to pitch the offer. “I feel like a character in Pride and Prejudice! Like being invited to Bath!” she gushed, a smile in her voice. Double Boom! I’m so thrilled I made that call.Two teenagers attended. Not only did they attend, they Showed Up. This most brilliant arrangement was almost an accident. 

Group Dynamics

Group dynamics are part social science, part magic. Each person present shifts the environment and creates the vibe of a group. This, along with how they interact with and are received by others in the group, is one aspect of leading a group that challenges the faith and courage of a leader. The women in their 60’s were kind and encouraging, the younger women shared with openness and trust. >Magic<.I’m SO grateful that I could witness this generosity and vulnerability.One powerful moment of connection and shared wisdom came as we all realized that nigh-on three years of a pandemic will land differently in a life of 60 years versus a life of 16 years. This awareness served as a reminder that one’s relationship to JOY—experiencing it, finding, and recognizing—is informed and influenced by variables that we each absorb in our own way. Unless we pause to listen closely to one another’s stories, we miss this and the chance for real connection. 

Two: The Presenter (me)

Also notable is something I observed about myself. As a teacher and small-group facilitator, I prepared for this gathering with the same careful focus and geeky delight for detail that has been my approach for years. Gathering and sifting ideas, organizing content and activity flow, imagining what could emerge in the group setting. Small bubbles of excitement and curiosity welled up in me in this process, and I felt a deep sense of calm at the same time. But where were my old friends the tummy butterflies?Teaching, in my experience, is part performance. I love this almost as much as the sharing and discovery and critical thinking parts. I do my work to prepare, then step up to deliver. Just before presenting either on stage or from the front of a classroom, anticipation floods my system, a sort of keyed-up energy rises in me. I’ve learned to channel this nervousness and excitement into my speaking and focused listening. This channeling of energy is one reason I enjoy teaching water aerobics so much! An enthusiastic class bobs in the pool ready for encouragement. There’s nothing like a passionate and energetic teacher to make learning fun! As I counted down to presenting JA I waited for the rush. All I felt was peace and calm.

The Day Before

The day before JA, I loaded my car and took all of my teaching supplies to the classroom. I built the lesson aspects around different modalities and had stacks of watercolor paper, magic markers, satin streamers, a slew of brilliant post-it notes, and a few examples of map making! (These were pieces I’d created for Who Is My Neighbor as I moved from story lines to property lines.)With a few trips between the parking lot and the classroom everything was delivered. The space felt good; safe, ready, a nice fit. No fanfare. No anxiety. I slept soundly that night. The next morning, I felt centered and peaceful. Based on my history this quiet and calm felt strange.Side note: When I returned to counseling over two years ago, I named some personal goals. One is: Learn to trust myself AND grow in this Self Trust. (Joy Academy came into being as part of this learning to trust my Self.) There’s more to say about that, but for context I simply mention it here. Is this feeling of calm confidence a sign of self trust? I wondered. My Self was quiet. She seemed to smile in reply.

Rested and Energized

The day of Joy Academy I awoke feeling rested and energized, but not keyed-up. At all. The sense of calm held through journaling, and breakfast, and while walking. So how well would things go? Arriving early, I set up each place and arranged the colorful supplies I had for our time together. Then I was greeting women as they arrived, handing out streamers to make ribbon sticks, encouraging women to pick their favorite color Permission Slip post-it notes. I felt present, connected, and curious from then on. Was this enough? We danced and played, shared stories, paused to consider perspective, and read aloud our responses to the writing prompts. If you’d like to have the prompts and Find Your Way Back To Joy, they are available as a PDF HERE.As I bade people good-bye and then collected supplies and tidied the room I smiled. I wasn’t in shreds. In fact, I thought, I could do this again next week (minus the marketing and encourage-and-remind process.) Wait. No need for a day to crash and recover? Hold on, now.My skepticism rose. Had I been flat? Was I energetic and passionate in a way people could feel? Was the offer valid? Was my effort enough? Briefly, and I'm talking two seconds, my sense of peace was overshadowed by panic. In the past my level of “spent-ness” was my measure of how invested I was. If I “left it all” in the class, then I’d done my part.The panic receded in a breath. I sent out an on-line survey. All two responses were very positive! (In future, I’ll offer paper and pencil for feedback right there at the close of a session.) Al attendees smiled and greeted me with warmth when we next met.

Debriefing

On Therapy Thursday I plunged into debriefing all things Joy Academy with Jodi. I love my therapist! We've never met in real life, but the connection over the screen is alive and vital. We celebrated the fact that it took place! That the group was so dynamic! That things went smoothly! That I already have ideas for next time.When I described the new-to-me calm of my experience, Jodi nodded. Her sense of joy and pride leapt through my laptop. She reminded me of the work we’ve been doing based on Internal Family Systems, especially the qualities of Self.Looking again at the diagram, I recognized my own words: 

Calm      Confident      Curious      Connected

Perspective      Play      Presence

Oh hello, Trustworthy Self.

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As a child, the classroom was a confusing and shame-inducing place for me. Today, I see the safe classroom or any place of learning as a wonderful and wondrous space. Whether I’m the student or the teacher I will always learn something about the world, about my Self, and most often about both!Thank you for reading. May this day bring you delight & discovery, connection & calm.