When last we spoke…
Since my entry a year ago, yes a whole year, so much has happened—both in the wide world and in my own precious life. I’m tempted to outline all of the ins and outs, ups and downs of the year. But I like your company and don’t wish to flood you, or re-flood myself for that matter.
Learning that I can carry joy under one arm and grief under the other is a new practice for me. (I’m recovering from all or nothing thinking.) This ability and awareness springs from years of therapy and over a year of attending a 12-Step meeting. I talk about that HERE.
Along side the unraveling of social fabric around the globe, I faced a bleak stretch as an artist. Work I set out to do with gusto ground to a halt.
If you’re a new reader, or if you’ve been companioning me for years, a recap seems timely. At the end of 2023 I wrote about Wonder, Gratitude, Ache, & Agency.
Speaking for My Self, a solo exhibit curated by my friend Tim Musso, featured more than half of my graduate thesis work. A bright start to 2023.
Later that year I built on the socially-engaged practice begun with Who Is My Neighbor and created the installation empty. Generous and supportive community members brought the work to fruition for a one-day pop-up at the Alternative Gift Fair at the Methodist Church in Riverside. The piece was well received and sparked conversation about child food insecurity. I met people who said, absolutely the piece would soon have a long-term home in a public space in Riverside, California.
To begin and end a year showing work that matters brought deep fulfillment and a sense of affirmation. The universe was saying YES.
Then silence.
Dismantled and hauled back to my garage studio, empty waited. I wrote emails, made follow up calls, talked to anyone who might welcome the work so it could accomplish its purpose: highlight a need, prompt action. But the folks who were wow-ed by it, who said there would be a home for the piece, weren’t the deciders.
The work languished. By late spring so did I.
In June I closed up my ceramic studio. I joined Ken, my true love, for his research travel abroad. Home again in July, I sent a message to Lynn Heatley, director of the non-profit, Love Riverside. Lynn championed the earliest vision for empty, helped me set dead-lines and find a place for the one-day pop-up. She’d given me the honor of being artist in residence for Love Riverside. My heart felt like lead when I called.
Lynn, I thought I’d be leaning into this issue for some time. Thank you for making me artist in residence for Love Riverside, but it looks like the way forward is closed. I’m filled with gratitude for your friendship and support, but I must relinquish the title.
It was tough to say that. To step away felt like more than a loss. It felt like a moral failing.
Maybe I’m not an activist.
It took real effort to re-open my studio and bring out my tools to prepare for an art market in October. But once I started handling the clay and forming dishes, the joy of making buoyed my spirit. Yet sadness remained.
Did I mention therapy and how it is saving my life? Many, many times, I know! And here’s another mention.
Sometimes the universe speaks through people. Jodi, my therapist, listened to me grieve the fate of empty. Gently, she urged me to keep looking for a home for the piece. In part because she knew storing the lumber, ceramic spoons, and yards of jute twine claimed my two studio worktables. Surfaces intended for hosting ceramic workshops. empty needed to get out of the garage for my sake as well as its own.
In September I tried promoting empty one more time. With shallow breath and racing heart, I walked toward Lovelyn as she stood in the church patio sipping her coffee. Lovelyn Razzouk serves as right-hand person to the Dean of Zapara School of Business at La Sierra University. She and Dean Johnny Thomas hosted my solo exhibit, Speaking for My Self in January, 2023.
Before I spoke a word Lovelyn smiled and asked, Rebecca, how’s your art?
I felt my shoulders soften, my respiration return to normal. The way opened. I showed Lovelyn pictures of empty and shared my passion for ending child food insecurity in Riverside. And empty had a new home.
In October, 2024 I installed the work at Zapara School of Business. I also became the first ever ZSB Creative in Residence.
There’s more to this story. So much! I’ll tell you next time I write. In the meantime, some of the story has been written about in the The RainCross Gazette and Press Enterprise.
