How I'm Practicing my Faith
Coming up with a definition for Faith preoccupied me while framing this entry. Thankfully, in her book The Gifts of Imperfection, Brené Brown shares her definition. I’ll work with it.
Faith is a place of mystery, where we find the courage to believe in what we cannot see and the strength to let go of our fear of uncertainty.” ― Brené Brown
So how am I practicing my faith? To answer that, I'll work with the verb practicing and the words mystery, courage and strength.
Practicing
There’s defining faith, cultivating faith, or having an attitude of faith—and then there's practicing faith. As a child I was given piano and later violin lessons. I met with a teacher once a week to play assigned exercises, and later recognizable (mostly) melodies. The more I practiced between lessons, the more recognizable the melodies.My goal: shine! (aka be the best)I envisioned myself seated at the piano or standing with violin tucked under my chin before a mesmerized audience. In my imagination the notes wafted from the keys or lilted from the strings in heartbreaking loveliness. I wanted this with all of my soul. There’s wanting and there’s doing. To get to the stage as soloist I had to practice—can you believe it?!?—for 20, then 30, and eventually 45 minutes a day! Scales. Exercises. Hard pieces with flats, even some with sharps! Wanting it just didn’t make it so. Only the struggle of unwonderful, tedious, daily practice would make me shine. (As you might guess, the only instrument I play today is a turn table.)
Mystery
Many aspects of my life qualify as mystery. Did I mention I’m fifty-six (for two more weeks) and in grad school for my MFA in Visual Arts? Like you, I have no way of knowing or controlling much of what happens: my health, my relationships, my next career move. Mostly, I’m fine with that. Once upon a time, this reality fueled steady anxiety. As an educated, talented, smart woman I thought I was supposed to have my life (and the lives of those I love) running along smoothly.One way I practice my faith (and move through mystery) is to write.In the series you’re reading right now, I live some of my mystery out loud as I find my way to clarity for a thesis exhibition next spring. The challenge the advancement committee gave me in March could have sent me into a spin, Who am I trying to fool? How can I be an artist? It’s too late for me! But by sitting with this mystery, writing through it, I’ve gradually found my sense of direction.
Courage
Back to Brené Brown for another definition:
Courage is a heart word. The root of the word courage is cor - the Latin word for heart. In one of its earliest forms, the word courage meant "To speak one's mind by telling all one's heart."
Here is a glimpse of my heart. 
Every day I choose to believe in some things I cannot see and could not prove in a court of law: my divine identity and the goodness of others.As I’ve shared before, I begin my day with my journal. You might say I have a journaling practice. Or that I am practicing journaling. Which ever. Pick up any of the handwritten notebooks I’ve filled over the last eight to ten years and two entries appear over and over and over again. Both remind myself of my divine identity and divine calling.
I don’t write out repeated phrases every day because I forget. I write them out as a way to center myself in 1) who I am—the Beloved, and 2) what I’m about—my Divine Calling, before the distractions, disappointments, or disasters of the day convince me that we’re all going to hell in a handbasket. Or to be more specific I center myself so that I don’t believe the lies a culture of scarcity and commodities and “common sense” would have me swallow:
- that I am not enough
- that it is too late to become my real true self
- that other people are busy finding my shortcomings
- people are difficult, critical, or deadbeat on purpose.
Strength
Writing in my journal I strengthen a set of healthy scripts. My goal: wellbeing (aka becoming my true self). With these scripts top of mind, I can move into the fresh mystery of a new day and choose how I frame setbacks like the one the committee gave me, look at disappointment (do you know what a plaster disaster is?), ask for help.As I center myself in my divine identity, and divine calling—making art as my profession—I discover something unexpected: tenderness to others. I see the divine imprint on more of the people in my life. Not every moment of every day, but upwards of 51% of the time for better than 53% of the days. That’s grace. So I keep writing, keep showing up at my journal and right here, to practice my faith, and live in this place of mystery also known as my life.
If you're just joining me, I'm working through a series of four prompts. They are:
- What I’m trusting…
- What I’m grateful for…
- What inspires me…
- How I’m practicing my faith…
In the process I'm finding out what I think and where I'm going as I prepare for my final year of graduate school.Feel free to use these prompts from Brené Brown in your journaling practice. Who knows what you’ll discover about what you think?