A delicate lumberjack
You're basically a lumberjack, said my Physical Therapist, Dr. Steve Nieto with a smile. The most delicate lumberjack I've met, he laughed.Thank you. I hadn't thought of it like that, but I'll take it.I’m also really achy and tired.Most mornings I wake thinking, Thank you for my beautiful life! Every day of the week is a friend to me.This Friday, however, I wanted to kiss the day in the face! Welcome, Friday! Don’t tell the others, but you’re my favorite one!Why not stay in bed? Such a sexy idea. The thought of going to another physical therapy session, not so much. But I got up and went to PT anyway. When Dr. Steve asked me How are ya doing, Rebecca? I may or may not have moaned ever so slightly. Quickly, I admitted It's my own fault. Here's what I've been up to.[gallery type="slideshow" size="large" ids="4693,4688,4691,4692,4690,4687,4689"]Showing these pictures to Dr. Steve earned me the name: lumberjack.
tiny compulsive tendencies
I love what I do! In fact, this love is the reason that I woke feeling weary. I have tiny compulsive tendencies. When I'm in the studio, I lose track of time. I forget to pay attention to my body as I watch a project take shape in my hands. Before I know it, I work an hour beyond class time. Or, I spend four days in a row in the shop when two days a week would not only meet class standards, but also be better for my body.Paying attention to my body is why I chose to have physical therapy.
choosing difficulty to find ease
I’ve been working with Dr. Steve and his staff since January BECAUSE I want to manage large pieces of wood and large machines. I wanna be a bandsaw badass! But myasthenia gravis took a toll on my upper body strength. I haven’t swum laps for a looooong time. It became frustrating to move so slowly through the water. Then the weather cooled. In December I went off steroids completely (yay!), but they did seem to give me a little va-room. I wasn’t on campus as much. You know. Stuff changed. I long to get back in the water and swim with steady ease. I also want strength to keep working with all manner of media. So I do what is difficult. I show up for PT twice a week. They work me hard! But it gets me ready to do the things that feed my soul.
the soul of a delicate lumberjack
The physical therapy sessions are paying off. When I began in January, there was no way I could have worked in the wood shop four days in a row. No way!I concede that four-days-in-a-row is not the best way forward. Working with a bandsaw when tired is downright foolish! I like all ten of my fingers.You, dear reader, are witness to my pledge to pace myself. Even as I work on what I love. Especially, as I work on what I love.Going to grad school to make art. Having physical therapy to build strength. Once upon a time I would have felt ashamed of such extravagance, unworthy of such choices. (And, quite honestly, these were not even options for many years of my life.)Instead, why not be a decent middle-aged woman? Pursue art as a hobby. Adjust to the fatigue, and work out on my own.But I have come to know one wild and holy truth: I am worthy.And so are you.And being decent is not a meaningful goal for middle-age or any age!(That's three wild and holy truths!!!)Certain experiences feed the soul. A quiet cup of tea, a session with a solid counselor. Long walks, or an hour with a good book. As I tend to my soul, surprising things happen—in my art, in my relationships, in my experience with the past, in my vision for the future. I am sure that I am not unique in this way.I feel deeply grateful every day for what I have. I haven't always known such goodness. But now that I do, I appreciate and celebrate every bit of it.Perhaps you too are a lumberjack, delicate or otherwise. My question for you is,
What are you doing for your soul?